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Ladies, come clean. How many times have you decided to gift your man sex for his birthday in lieu of an actual, physical present?

Every one of your hands should be up. Sex is the best gift.

Sure, you might opt to invest in some fancy lingerie or a toy. Just wait for the look on his face when you strut in with your Kiki de Montparnasse. We've got plenty of reasons why the butt is the greatest gift you can give. Unless, of course, you want to surprise him with a present that will take him nine months to redeem and 18 years to return.

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Because you already got him Ugg moccasins last year. How many times has he actually worn them? And how many times have you stolen them from him?

Anal sex birthday present

Because anal is just too good a gift to be contained in a box or stocking. The only box he should be opening is, well, you know.

Because anal is reserved for only the most special people. Because he stuffed your stocking, so you'll let him stuff your hole. Guaranteed usage upon receipt.

You probably have some lying around, anyway. Because birth control is only 99 percent effective anyway.


Because doggie-style is your favorite position, anyway. Because now is the perfect time to use those black sheets you ordered from Amazon last Black Friday. Search Close.