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If your child has bowel movements BMs in places other than the toilet, you know how frustrating it can be. Parents might assume that kids who soil their pants are misbehaving or too lazy to use the bathroom when they have the urge to go. But many kids beyond the age of toilet teaching generally older than 4 years who soil their underwear have a condition known as encopresis en-kah-PREE-sis. They have a problem with their bowels that dulls the normal urge to go to the bathroom. So they can't control the accidents that usually follow. At first, parents may think their child has a simple case of diarrhea.

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My stepson is 14 and he lives with us full time.

My husband has had custody of him since he was 3 years old. He only sees his mom about once a year. I have a very active role as his parent.

He is ADHD and on the immature side. Overall, he is a good .

However, since he turned 13, we have found several pairs of my underwear hiding in his room at least six times. A couple of times we have found feminine products and adult novelty items. I get the whole curiosity thing but six times feels excessive for taking these inappropriate items. My Daughter Swiped My Toy. We have now put a lock on our door.

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I do not, however, want to emotionally damage him by my reactions. Since I am a therapist who also focuses on sexuality, I think I can be most helpful by shining a light on those potential aspects of this behavior. Frequently, an adolescent will see something that has a kind of lightbulb effect on them. This is an interest that may serve as an erotic trigger now and in the future. This could even evolve into a fantasy or fetish for him later in his life.

It is also perfectly normal for an adolescent to not want to talk about sexuality with his parents, especially around fantasies or specific sexual interests. Your instinct to be careful about emotionally hurting him is a good one. Many people look back on this time of life and can remember distinctly when they were made to feel embarrassed by their interest in sex.

You might consider writing a letter to your son about witnessing his maturation and his natural interest in female-related items and sexual things. Perhaps say that you would like to support his growth. You wish to ensure his privacy and your ownand that either of you is available to respond to questions, offer guidance, or just listen.

It might be helpful to buy your step son a book about specifics around sexuality. Maybe he is using it for another reason, like exploring gender identity. Sari Cooper is a d individual and couples therapist, a certified sex therapist, speaker and writer in New York City. Cooper runs Sexuality Workshops to help parents talk to their children about sex. Learn more at saricooper. Keep up with our newest articles and special events by subscribing to the Your Teen newsletter today!

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